Diary of the Open Road: Day 11
They say, “be careful what you pray for”, and although those words are often expressed in light-hearted humour, there’s a truth to them I’ve experienced in a deeply personal and significant way.
Because when I prayed as a 17 year old, weeks before graduating high school, that the Lord would break the numbness in my life and unsettle my heart to want the things He has for me, I didn’t realize that was the most dangerous prayer I could have ever prayed.
Because He answered it. My goodness gracious, did He ever.
It was that prayer that lead me to trade scholarships and my ten year plan for a flight to New Zealand and everything unknown. It was that prayer that brought me into the risk of pursuing art as a career, and that prayer that is and will always be the song for this road trip, and all of the adventures, great and small, that will follow it.
My life doesn’t look like anything I thought it would look like. The last three years have held more mystery than I thought I could handle. It’s been full of heart ache, confusion, disappointments, and fear. But for all of those things, I’ve found a joy, peace, trust, and fresh faith in the midst of them, and am growing to love the wonder of it all more and more.
When Jesus captured my heart three years ago, everything in my life fell apart.
It fell apart so He could rebuild it in a new way, in His way.
And the fear that once crippled me into complacency now only pushes me towards the One Who is my strength with an unsettled heart to pursue His.
More than my words, I would want my actions to reflect a heart that wants to love Jesus more. I want my lifestyle to be an overflow of that unending pursuit. As my heart continues to respond to His love, I am able to love. I am able to dream. I am able to step outside of myself and my insecurities and chase the adventure of life in all of its forms.
I suppose that is what I am doing in the present. And in the face of all of my insecurities and fears, I can still stand in confidence that His hand is over this season and my life.
And so, the adventure continues. The adventure of an unsettled heart and its faithful Creator and Keeper.